James and jake's mission

James was sitting on his bed in his dorm reading a book about the sun and the stars. also liseing to a joan jett cd in his player. When he gets a call on his cell from an old friend saying she needs help.
When she tells him were she is he thinks that it could be a trap. Then he gets up and wals out of his dorm looking for jake or someone to help out walks out into the hallway and trys to look for jack. he starts to think of all the times she has saved him and how she was there when no one else was so he knows he needs to help her trap or not.

(A word of advice, If you're trying to start a topic, try to use a post where you start in a more accessible area. One that makes sense for other characters to be in. Jake, respecting people's privacy, would not go into someone else's room without a good reason. I don't really see a reason Jake would need to go into your room, especially if you received the call. If you were in another area, then Jake might see that you looked troubled then ask what's wrong. Am I being clear with what I'm trying to say?)

(yeah i was going to walk into jake as i walked out of the room and walk over to you and ask if jake wanted to go with me to help my friend)

(Okay, then go ahead and post again. Next time, try and add a bit more. For the intro posts, having a lot of information is normally important. I can't really add onto that post, since at the moment, you're still in the dorm. If you add on that you left to a more public place, possibly looking for someone to help, that will be easier for people to add to the topic.)

i did

(That's better, I can at least post to that. It's still a bit stiff. Add some of your character's personality into your post. Some suggestions to try and help: is James more concerned about his friend's safety or his own? I'm guessing he's at least somewhat concerned about it being a trap, so he's not the kind to just charge off on his own after a damsel in distress- that's the impression I'm getting. Why Jake? Why not some other person? Just try and add some of your character's more personal thoughts to it. I'll wait for you to edit that before I post mine, just so you aren't trying to post and fix at the same time.)

james just seems to trust jake not sure qhy he just does

i did

you going to post or not

(Yah, sorry had a bit of trouble with the internet. Alright, sounds much better, try to post at least the intro posts like that. You can get away with the body posts having less, but you can normally fit in a thought or some personality within them and still have it sound good.)

Jake yawned, his jacket hung over his left arm. Today was much too hot for a jacket, but if he were to go out in public, he'd probably need to wear it. I should really look into getting a ligher jacket... or at least a long-sleeved shirt. He rounded the corner, nearly running straight into the new kid.
"Sorry dude, my bad." Jake paused as he noticed a serious air to the guy. "What's wrong?"

Oh hi jake an old friend called she need my help sometimes i think that assain cant even do her own job right. buts thats just me that girl is getting her but kicked and i have to save it agina darn ann cant you do anything right. even when she's trying to crm her way out of things.

(I'm having a bit of trouble reading it, could you add some punctuation? I'm also assuming that all of that was dialogue. You can also put some description on what James does while he's talking. Maybe his face lights up at seeing Jake, or he pauses at some parts. Based on James's personality, how would he say this?)

james has what you would call a poker face 24/7 no matter what

(Even when his good friend's in danger? Okay, so that's how his face would look then, but what about the way he says it? Does he pause anywhere? Even if it's when he realizes that he's getting off topic. How does he sound saying it, the tone of his voice?
Oh, and punctuation would still be nice in that post.)

not really he just keeps on talking

(So he doesn't pause anywhere. He doesn't make any faces. He speaks with a monotone sort of voice, all the time? You said he gets angry a lot. He's not the slightest bit mad at his good friend being in trouble? At the very least upset at the inconvenience of having to go save her?)

(Are you on an ipod or a computer?)

he can't show his angry he's not aloud to becuse to his people showing how you feel is a weakness not a strongth to them it would make him look weak but he is upset about it

(Okay, well then, even if he doesn't show it- you can still write it. Maybe say how he's upset and such, but how he keeps a straight face anyway. Is it easy for him to? Write about that also. That helps add some personality to your posts. Are you able to easily add punctuation to your posts? Because that just helps make it easier to read.)

look Jake i may not seem up se about ann but i am its not easy for me to talk about how i feel. I mean its not like i have feeling for her or anything i mean i cant she's a halfling. But i do care about her she is my friend but i dont love her or anything like that besides i only date gothes. (how was that?)

(Well, not exactly what I meant, but better. What I mainly mean is to do more than just dialogue or just action. Try and mix the two. I don't mind you being all hard on the outside, some really good characters are like that. It's better now that you explained why some.)

Jake tilted his head and raised a brow some. "So you're going to go help her, then?"

James just looks at Jake then opens his mouth to speack and starts to from a light ball so Jake want to come or not and i'm asking you nicely to come i could really use your help. I mean this Jake it may not seem like it but it is i really could use your help.

(Getting better! My only comment is do you know where the quotation mark button " " is? That helps to separate dialogue from actions.)

Jake shrugged. He didn't see why not, he would just have to grab some of his things. "Alright, I'm game. Where are we going?"

''ann's step dad will he's max hammer witch mean your going to see a side of me that lives only in your wost nightmare" as the gray lighting bolt in his hair turns yellow and the light ball gets bigger and bigger intell it turns into a small sun in the plam of his hand

Jake squinted and put a hand up to shield his sensitive eyes. "Okay, okay, I get it. Put that thing out."

puts it out looks at jake ''and says its called a sun ball and its what i'm going to use on max he's going to pay for what he did"